I found a Stumbler that is a newbie to living a day at a time, but WOW! what writing abilities! :)
Here is one of his postings, which I read on my reader:
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Life outside the safe zone
Life outside the safe zone
91 Days
I had a really nice weekend. The weather was beautiful. My brother had a dinner party Saturday night and we had guests over for Easter. Both dinners were beautiful and the guests were great. I felt a bit of confidence return to my conversational abilities. I once was a skilled a skillful and charming conversationalist but since I let my life slip away, that skill went with it. Or so it seems.
This is really just an example of how my confidence has eroded across the board. When I had to concern myself with getting better, with not using and riding out the physical effects of a sudden detoxification that occurred when I quit using, I had something that occupied my thoughts 24/7. I was either feeling joyous because I come to believe I could quit, or I was feeling sick because I had. I had no time to think about regaining confidence. I did not realize I had lost any.
Now I know I don't want to use drugs. I know I want a life and I know what kind of life I want. But to get to this point, I have, with the help of friends and family, created a safe zone. I have a place to live, food to eat and therapeutic support. I volunteer. I spend time writing on the Web. I correspond with friends. I love to go to the library, sometimes just because it is a destination, a safe place to go to. This is a very adequate but very temporary state of existence.
If I am to have a full and productive life I have to travel outside the safe zone, forge new relationships, repair old ones and maintain the few I have. I have to not only know my purpose but determine where and how I will fulfill that purpose. I will have to be in, associate with and negotiate situations and circumstances that will be less safe in terms of using meth. I will have to rely on my own unsupported fortitude to navigate the big bad world and THAT is frightening. Furthermore, I will have to deftly navigate a myriad of processes and also patiently endure them.
Doubt begins to haunt me as I give thought to my fears and with that thought, my attention. I am afraid.
Joy is my beacon.
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