Dear John, Let Me Count The Ways

How many different ways can you say, “I have to go to the bathroom?” Or how many different terms are there out there that we use for “toilet”?

Yeah. I know. Hear me out….

Sitting in the doctor’s office this morning, waiting for almost AN HOUR before he came into see me, I had realized my bladder was starting to fill up. No, I wasn’t in the waiting room that long, I was already trapped back in one of the patient rooms; I was beginning to wonder if they had forgotten about me.

Anyway, back to my bladder.

I’m sitting there getting all irritated that he is taking so long; with no reading material I also began to feel a little sleepy.

No. I did not pee my pants.

Being a tad bit irritated (from waiting), and a tad bit sleepy (from waiting) the following is what began to flow through my semi-consciousness…..

Doc: (when he finally arrives in my room) “So, how are you doing?”

Me: (suddenly startled from him walking in) “Oh, I’m OK I reckon except now I really have to go the bathroom.”

Wait, I can’t say the word ‘bathroom’ and why on earth would I make that announcement to him anyway? No, I’ll use the word ‘restroom’. No, that’s not right either, although, it is probably a little more appropriate than the word ‘bathroom’. Oh hell, I’ll just tell him I have to go tinkle.

No! Wait! This would make a great blog entry; how many ways are there to say the word ‘bathroom’?

Here is what I came up with:

• Toilet
• Bathroom
• Restroom
• Washroom
• Latrine
• John
• the head
• powder room
• pisser
• outhouse
• lavatory

And while we’re at it, how did the bathroom get the nickname “John”?

Or, how about phrases for ‘I have to go to the bathroom’? –

I have to go – tinkle
I have to go – peepee
I have to go – see a man about a horse
I have to go – drain the main vein (submitted by CC)
I have to go – weewee
I have to go – urinate
I have to go – piss

Oh OK, I won’t hog all the fun – you got any good ones? I know you do.

Yes, this was a true story. Yes, it ALL went through my weird head.

Eventually I did get to see the doctor. No, I didn’t tell him I had to go pee. I put on my southern-learned charm and smiled big all the while behaving like a respectable, and proper, woman going to see the doc.

No. I am NOT pregnant. Let me just squelch those rumors right this very second! HA!